Love and Obligation

Posted: February 13, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and quite frankly this year more than any other it has me very anxious. I’m just beginning to understand that the reason for my anxiety is the obligation that’s attached. The expectations are completely external yet so effective they couldn’t be more personal. So here’s my question: Can love and obligation peacefully coexist? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The key word here for me is peacefully, as that’s certainly not what I’ve been experiencing which causes me to think the answer is probably no. Bound is an important element of understanding obligation. And freedom is a huge part of my understanding of love. I know we are “bound together…” but also “love knows no bounds” all that to say, I’d love to hear your take on this question along with any thoughts you have on this “holiday”.

Ideally I want every day to be a gift to those I love and maybe I’m just feeling resentment that others are telling me when I need to step it up.

  1. Julie DuMond says:

    Mark and I were married (eloped) on Valentines day. But because we both understand simplicity is marvelous. There is no pressure. We celebrate 30 years and this is both of ours second marriage. So we have beat the statistics. I think if you love your lover the best thing one can do on this day is be present for them.

  2. That’s great Julie, thank you. Happy Anniversary!

  3. I think we (the collective we as society) tend to go a little overboard for this holiday. It’s great to love people and great to show love to those you care about. But, I certainly see your point about expectations and such. I think it comes down to communicating with the people we love…like so many other things. Talking about it and getting it out there will only help and bring people closer together. Love isn’t about spending money on each other, it’s about being Jesus to each other. It gets lost during this holiday, despite the upsides of a holiday that can bring people some extra joy by being doted on. Anyway I’m rambling. Have a great one, my friend. Always enjoy hearing from you!

  4. Ty Homer says:

    In regard to the question can love live in peace with obligation; my answer
    In my opinion, is no. I looked up the definition of obligation and this is what I found. ” something by which a person is bound or obligated to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, ect.”
    My wife and I got married because she was pregnant with our first child. I decided to marry her because it was the right thing to do ” duty” my action was reactionary. I felt obligated to her and the baby. That marriage ended in lying, resentment, disloyalty, broken hearts and family, divorce.
    Obligation automatically removes relationship. The things that obligation brings to the table, when done, void of relationship, will foster resentment. I don’t know anyone who sits down to do their taxes with love in their heart. I also feel obligation hosts many of the things contrary to love, but because it’s shrouded in doing, it can momentarily have the appearance of love, like Cards, candy, flowers, and marriage vows made from obligations. A few years after the divorce, my wife and I remarried because we longed to be together. We didn’t have to be and we had all the reasons not to be. In this second marriage, the one where we chose to be together, there is life, love,joy, happiness, and growth. So I guess If Valentines Day is a celebration of love that already exists and it’s your kind of thing, then I think that is cool. But if Valentines Day is to prove your love or to validate it, then I strongly disagree. Obligation has Mary ” put away ” love holds her hand and kisses her face in the manger.

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